sadoeuphemist (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sadoeuphemist) wrote2017-05-04 07:19 pm
sadoeuphemist) wrote2017-05-04 07:19 pm
An imposition
"Ah, excuse me. But if you're not busy, could you hold this, please? Thank you. Ugh, it's skittering around in there. You can see it, can't you? Wedging itself into all the little nooks and quarries.
"Oh. Well. I hate to impose, but that's very kind. I - no, no, it's nothing. Thank you for your help.
"I just can't sleep sometimes, you know? With it crawling and skittering around in there, keeping me awake. At night, my god, the sound is magnified. I'll be dozing off to sleep, and there it is, resurfacing. It's more frustrating than anything, you know? To be coming so close to sleep, and to have it snatched away from me ....
"Even in the daytime it's not that great, you know? You'd think - I mean, it seems like it would be interesting, wouldn't it? Like having a pet. A tarantula safe in its cage, or a - something you can feed, you know? You can put a dead rat in there and watch it eat.
"But even in the daytime, it's ... I can feel the ruts it's wearing inside my skull. Why am I doing this? Why am I still watching this? Why aren't I doing something more productive with my time?
"Eh. You don't have to stay, really. It's not your problem.
"All right. This is - I appreciate it, I really do. It's too easy to fuck this up going it alone. Stab your own fingers by mistake. Reach down the wrong crevasse and be feeling down there for hours. And a person here, it -
"I get so alone sometimes.
"Sorry. Could you just grip the sides of it, please. Yes, just like that. Thank you. Thank you. Just keep a hold of it, and -
"There it is there it is there it is c'mon c'mon c'mon I've almost got you you little bastard -
"Ah, fuck. Well, it's bleeding, at least. I think maybe if I stab it enough - Haha. Can you do that, do you think? Bleed out from a sore on the inside of your mouth? Just keep worrying it and worrying it and stabbing at it and jabbing at it and keeping it open all the time until you eventually bleed to death?
"Well, regardless. Couldn't do it. I'm done. I'll try again tomorrow, or ... It's not that big of a deal, it's really not. I'm used to it by now. And it's entertaining enough, in the daytime, in a decrepit sort of way. And even the nights ...
"So I don't sleep. Eh. Who sleeps anymore? What's the point of it? To wake up again and ... ?
"If I'm awake sixteen hours a day, or twenty hours a day, does it really make a difference? To be awake, and it's so unbearable that ... ?
"No, no, it's perfectly acceptable. As if the number of hours matter. Thank you for your time. Honestly. I'll be ...
"No, no, I don't want you to feel obliged to me or anything, thanks to the stupid human impulse towards compassion. Imagine, a stranger approaches you in the street, asking for help as if you owe them something! Haha! It's idiotic, isn't it! We've got to train ourselves not to respond!
"So please, know that you were no help at all! Ha ha! We didn't come any closer to getting this damn thing out!
"So thank you for your time, but really, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. There's nothing to be done about it. You should go back on your way and forget about me.
"Oh, i could get it out if I really wanted to, you know. Flush the whole thing. Smash the sides of the container. Do something irrevocable. Just take up a hammer and WHAM! Smash the thing to pieces! Send it scurrying out in the open air where it dies!
"But I don't do that, you see, so I suppose I don't really want to be rid of it. I just want to ... probe in there, and jab at it, and make it bleed, and ...
"Ah, but I'm sorry. I've exploited your kindness far too much. No, no, this must be it. Go on your way! Goodbye! Goodbye!
"I'll be perfectly fine, I assure you. I own a hammer, eh? What more could a person need?"
"Pass me the hook thing, would you? Yes, that one. Thank you. Just got to ... just got to claw it out and ....
"Ugh. Damn. I'm sorry. I'm imposing on you. You don't want to see this. You don't want to have to stand around looking over my shoulder while I try to fish this thing out."Oh. Well. I hate to impose, but that's very kind. I - no, no, it's nothing. Thank you for your help.
"I just can't sleep sometimes, you know? With it crawling and skittering around in there, keeping me awake. At night, my god, the sound is magnified. I'll be dozing off to sleep, and there it is, resurfacing. It's more frustrating than anything, you know? To be coming so close to sleep, and to have it snatched away from me ....
"Even in the daytime it's not that great, you know? You'd think - I mean, it seems like it would be interesting, wouldn't it? Like having a pet. A tarantula safe in its cage, or a - something you can feed, you know? You can put a dead rat in there and watch it eat.
"But even in the daytime, it's ... I can feel the ruts it's wearing inside my skull. Why am I doing this? Why am I still watching this? Why aren't I doing something more productive with my time?
"Eh. You don't have to stay, really. It's not your problem.
"All right. This is - I appreciate it, I really do. It's too easy to fuck this up going it alone. Stab your own fingers by mistake. Reach down the wrong crevasse and be feeling down there for hours. And a person here, it -
"I get so alone sometimes.
"Sorry. Could you just grip the sides of it, please. Yes, just like that. Thank you. Thank you. Just keep a hold of it, and -
"There it is there it is there it is c'mon c'mon c'mon I've almost got you you little bastard -
"Ah, fuck. Well, it's bleeding, at least. I think maybe if I stab it enough - Haha. Can you do that, do you think? Bleed out from a sore on the inside of your mouth? Just keep worrying it and worrying it and stabbing at it and jabbing at it and keeping it open all the time until you eventually bleed to death?
"Well, regardless. Couldn't do it. I'm done. I'll try again tomorrow, or ... It's not that big of a deal, it's really not. I'm used to it by now. And it's entertaining enough, in the daytime, in a decrepit sort of way. And even the nights ...
"So I don't sleep. Eh. Who sleeps anymore? What's the point of it? To wake up again and ... ?
"If I'm awake sixteen hours a day, or twenty hours a day, does it really make a difference? To be awake, and it's so unbearable that ... ?
"No, no, it's perfectly acceptable. As if the number of hours matter. Thank you for your time. Honestly. I'll be ...
"No, no, I don't want you to feel obliged to me or anything, thanks to the stupid human impulse towards compassion. Imagine, a stranger approaches you in the street, asking for help as if you owe them something! Haha! It's idiotic, isn't it! We've got to train ourselves not to respond!
"So please, know that you were no help at all! Ha ha! We didn't come any closer to getting this damn thing out!
"So thank you for your time, but really, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. There's nothing to be done about it. You should go back on your way and forget about me.
"Oh, i could get it out if I really wanted to, you know. Flush the whole thing. Smash the sides of the container. Do something irrevocable. Just take up a hammer and WHAM! Smash the thing to pieces! Send it scurrying out in the open air where it dies!
"But I don't do that, you see, so I suppose I don't really want to be rid of it. I just want to ... probe in there, and jab at it, and make it bleed, and ...
"Ah, but I'm sorry. I've exploited your kindness far too much. No, no, this must be it. Go on your way! Goodbye! Goodbye!
"I'll be perfectly fine, I assure you. I own a hammer, eh? What more could a person need?"